Saturday, March 20, 2010

At last that full feeling

On Thursday I received my 2CC's of saline into my gastric Lap-band. I had an appointment that apparently didn't matter to sutter general hospital. I had to wait an additional hour, due to who knows what, and they also chose to torture me, by making sure Judge Judy was on their waiting room TV with no remote control in sight. Eventually I did get to move into what looked to be a state of the art X-ray room, where they could X-ray in real time and the X-ray machine was a giant robot, with 6 TVs so the doctor could see different views and not be near the radiation. It took them 20 minutes to get the syringe into my access port. The whole time I was constantly X-rayed. This is how super hero's are made or possibly future 3 eyed children. At first I felt fine, I drank a cup of water for the nurses so they could see that I could hold it down. When I went home and tried to have a sandwich, not drinking anything as the diet says to do, I felt a lot of pain. I felt like I would explode. I learned a valuable lesson. As this lapband gets more and more full, I need to chew more and more and eat slower and slower. When I follow the diet and not drink with my meals (thus keeping food stuck in my pouch), I get full in a few bites and can stay that way for hours. The goal now is to train myself to recognise real hunger. I have started to notice more and more, how eating was so much a part of my routine. It is just weird to not be eating all around the day. I am at a loss. I guess this is what life will be like from now on. I will no longer eat out of boredom, or out of some mental comfort, where I try to fill a void with food. I will eat to get the hunger response to go away, to get nutrition. As the saying goes, "Eat to live not Live to eat." I expect to start shedding pounds very rapidly now.

In other news, some dork wad at either school or the hospital keyed my car to the metal real good on the back passenger side of my car. I have no idea what I did to this person that would make them want to try and ruin my paint job. I park within spaces correctly, I have a small car, not a giant truck. I don't look for a fight with people. It is sad really. I had to go to the Nissan dealer today and find matching paint, which for only a 1/2 ounce cost me 18 dollars. That is right, apparently automobile paint is worth its weight in street drugs. Oy Vey. I put rubbing compound on the scratches but they will need to be touched up with the paint I bought. This is why I want to take mixed martial arts classes again like in the military. Yes I am a big boy but I definitely want to learn a few more ways to beat the crap out of a potential aggressor. Perhaps even make the person who keyed my car, regret it.

I am being forced to watch another horrid movie in my recent American films class. After watching the orgy flick "Eyes wide shut", the depressing, "Rachel getting married", and the lesbian fight club rip off called, "Mulholland Drive", we are now being forced to have even more political garbage crammed down our throats with "Brokeback Mountain". So far these films have been picked apparently not for their technique or writing but how much they go against the mainstream middle. I don't want to be forced over and over again to watch gay people have sex in my film class. It was in 3 of the 6 movies we have watched. This dude, is obsessed with gay sex, and I am thinking about being that guy, and reporting him to the dean. This class is so far off track of having any real educational meaning, that I feel the students and the school are loosing money so my professor can cram his one sided, "Gay sex movie" agenda down my throat. I am in this college class to learn about film, not watch gay porn. Most teachers are lefty's meaning lean left. I don't care. Sometimes I lean left. The part that makes me want to jam a pencil in my ear, is when the teacher has something to prove, and his goal is not to teach a subject but to win a vote. Anyways, I will not write another sentence about this.

I have begun nourishing the kid within myself, and started buying Star Wars vehicles. I don't play with them, but they are fun to look at and wonder. I have always dreamed of going to space. I wonder if somewhere in the universe there are worlds like our own that have intelligent life, which have developed the ability to explore the universe. I took my new toy vehicles and hung them near a couple of posters in my room. Yes, I still have posters. I don't see why it is, that at 25 I cant have posters, or toys. I function just fine in the world, I went to war and did what needed to be done, I attend college and work at a job contributing to society. In some ways, I feel more adult than some 40 year old people. I also don't think having a baby necessarily makes a person a parent.

This pretty much sums up the highs and lows of my week. I hope very much for a beautiful ending to the life I have been given. The music video of the day is by the inspirational band "Barlow Girl" and the song is "Beautiful Ending"

Music video | Beautiful Ending video

Saturday, March 13, 2010


It was a no good very bad week school wise. I forgot to check my assignments due for my myth class and missed turning in an essay. Luckily my professor is old, rigid, and does not except late work, no matter the circumstances. Apparently in the eyes of my professor, all of us college students, need to be forced to go to class, so she takes attendance, and every student is trying to pull the wool over her eyes. In the words of Seth Myers on Saturday Night Live, "Really!?!...". There is however extra credit available worth only a 5th of what the paper was worth. I have to see the Sac State theater production of "Metamorphosis" based loosely on 10 different myths performed comedic with puppets. I saw a preview for the production and it wasn't that bad. Granted, the live acting aspect was sad, but the lines and puppets were cool. Currently tickets are buy 1 get 1 free. The shows I can go to are on the weekend so whether I like it or not, I need a date by definition. I asked one person who freaked out, and gave me the silent treatment. I made it all better though by calling her several times, saying nothing, just breathing heavy. LOL no, I didn't do anything perceived crazy stalkerish, although it would have been really fun to have.

I work in north Natomas, a very new area attached to south Natomas, an area notorious for crime and gang activity. After hearing the latest on crime from a friend of mine who lives in Natomas I looked up the local crime reports for Antelope. Antelope should basically be considered a no man's land, due to the apparent state of anarchy the sheriff's crime tracker software showed. Due to budget cuts, the county sheriff has cut back units, and response time is very slow. One officer said in a local neighborhood watch, that we were basically on our own for preventing crime. I took this grim news as a call to action! (Insert Danny Elfman's Batman soundtrack). Less than 6 months ago my car stereo, gps, and baseball bat were all snatched from my vehicle outside my home, while I slept. The perp was never found, and an already paranoid former soldier like myself became a little more paranoid. I invested in self defense items. I patrol the house with a bat when I cannot sleep. I bought a few 12" fixed blade gutting knives, 2 stun guns, 4 cans of various size pepper sprays, and I make sure to lock the doors. I also bought a Viper alarm system for my car. This time the alarm had better go off, then I can run my fat self outside naked with a sparking taser and scare the perp into nightmares, they only wish they could stop.
I now wait for the moment I will have to defend my family from a vicious gang of rapist neo-Nazi's, I can use lines like, "I am the night" and "you picked the wrong town evil doer!" I digress.

I have an official day now that my band will get two CC's of saline solution. That will be this Thursday the 18th. I haven't really lost weight since the surgery because the band hasn't been filled. All my food slips down immediately into the lower stomach. Thus I am in limbo, awaiting the true lap band diet which starts Thursday morning. "I AM!" going to lose this weight. I have noticed that as I approach my 26th birthday many more women seem to be flirting with me. I myself, much like George Clooney,have that mysterious older man appeal. Haha I can't even keep a straight face. None the less there will be more fills of the band in the future until I can reach optimal weight loss.

Spring break is at the end of the month, and I need to plan something, anything. In the words of Bilbo Baggins, "I need a Holiday". Whatever that thing is, it needs to be outside the Sacramento area. Not that Sac doesn't have stuff to do, I just know that my subconscious will recognize this area as home, and thus not receive the pleasure of leaving mental hell. I look forward to Comic-Con in July and wonder what celebrities I will meet this year. It was nice meeting Mia who plays the new Alice in Tim Burton's movie. I sensed a connection. She seemed so nice, yet I sensed sadness, as if secretly her life was out of control. I hope I was wrong in my assessment of her. Hollywood has been known to kill, sometimes literally with murder (Nat Wood, cause of death wasn't directly drowning, re-open the case please.)

Anyways, I have a little down time now, and intend to catch up on my favorite prime time shows on my DVR. I recently got into "Flash Forward" which is filling the void in my heart Lost is leaving as it slowly goes away forever. I just realized what a typical American I am. I blog, I watch TV, I complain about my life (which in comparison is the highest level of heaven if you are a Somalian), I never seem to have time, and I am 26 and haven't settled down and aren't necessarily close. I like 'US and A" much like Borat. We are all (second generation on Americans) truly blessed to have been born into this life.

The music video of the day is by a man I met who was very kind, humble and everything you wish you saw in other artists, Mat Kearney and the song is "Closer to love"

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

1 Month out

It certainly isn't normal to look forward to doctor visits. I found it weird that I would be so anxious to see my surgeon for a followup. It would turn out that I am recovering amazingly fast and my surgical entry points look amazing according to the doc. He gave me a required recommendation to go to the general hospital to get my band filled with 2cc's of Saline solution. When the device was first installed it had 4cc's in it, and was capable of holding 12. Most lap band patients stop getting fills at 7 cc's. This tends to be the optimal squeeze to keep food out of the lower stomach long enough for your brain to receive the chemical responses that make a person feel full. I am excited that the real lap-band diet will be starting very soon. I am super excited, anxious, name your poison, for this weight loss to really get started and I can transform into the man I would really like to be. (On the outside)

I also got a chance to see the medical doctor which is associated with the surgical procedure. He informed me that I am doing great and that I have lost 60lbs since I started seeing him. Losing just 10% of a person's weight when obese can prevent a heart attack, stroke, and even the onset of diabetes. I definitely do not want any of those. The thought of gaining weight again, going back to be super obese, scares the living c#ap out of me. It is like my worst fear, being gigantic, nude on a bed like Manuel the worlds fatest man who cant find clothes. My only visitors, coming to either treat me or gawk at me. I can't allow this to happen. Ironically Manuel found love, and apparently consummated the marriage (don't know how, don't want to know how). This leads me to a universal truth that love isn't at all about physical attractiveness. We may be hormonally inclined to want to breed, but that has not a lot to do with who we want to talk to everyday, grow old with, and aid in all aspects of life, because that one person is your absolute world, and you cannot bare to be away from to long, because you feel incomplete, lost, and without direction. Manuel has been lucky, actually blessed more so than a lot of people, because he found love. I don't know if she was blind, loved the attention, or mentally unsound but let us pretend that fairy tale love does indeed exist.

Why am I talking about this? In confession, I haven't been in a serious relationship in a few years. I partly blame my weight for blinding potential suitors. I partly blame my lack of time. I work 35 hours a week, and I go to school full time at a real University for 12 units. I have a handicap father whom I am expected to help care for when my bread winning mother is out of town on business. I am not stating this as a "throw Steve a pity party" paragraph. I simply want to explain through my own observations that I have been feeling alone lately, and do not feel there is much I can do about. Perhaps there is not much I am willing to do about it. Perhaps I am internally scared that a girlfriend will be a distraction, or hurt me and make me feel foolish, or be a psychopath who never tells me she used my car to move the body's to the tomato garden at her house.

Therefore I am a man with many goals, hopes and fears. Here is my bucket list

1. Exercise more, step it up, and get rid of excuses like, "it is raining outside"
2. Follow the lap-band plan as safe and healthy as possible
3. Take a risk, a new risk, find new women to be a part of my life, and pursue new possibilities.
school seems like a good place to look.
4. Find my mystery Jewish biological grandfather, and the trail has just gotten warmer but more on that in a later blog.
5. Finish College. I have to step up my A's especially in history related topics in order to ensure a place in the masters program I choose.
6. Audition for Idol again because, "Dey dun know me, I go git my own dang contract yo, dey axe like I aint da next Idol hommie."

Good news. Sort of. My brother is short sale-ing his home and will be moving into our area. It will be nice being able to hang out and not drive 45 minutes to an hour away. I also adore my niece, she really is the cutest baby in the world, and no I am not bias, it has been proven. Who says historians need to be objective?

I began to plant my garden last week, and will have an awesome blend of colorful bulbs, and hearty veggies. I have a green thumb, i do not know why I am so good at this stuff. It also provides much needed extra exercise that isn't boring. The Pug dogs like to shadow me and let me know I am in "their" territory in the back yard. They give me the "are we helping" look. I would love to travel the world and see all the great gardens of the world, much like Audrey Hepburn did in 92 just before she passed.

The music video of the day is "Halfway gone" by Lifehouse